Words: Kirsty Ketley
Although not every toddler will bite, is not uncommon behaviour. It is mortifying when your toddler bites (and very upsetting when your child is on the receiving end) but how you manage the behaviour will make all the difference when your toddler bites.
So, if your little one has suddenly spawned into Knasher overnight and you are fearing every playdate or outing, don’t worry, there are some easy things that you can do to put a stop your toddler biting.
Why do toddlers bite?
Firstly, I think it is important to understand why your child might be biting. Being ‘in tune with your toddler is useful when dealing with all behaviours and biting is no exception.
Emotions play a huge part in why toddlers bite. Their feelings can be very intense – you may have noticed their upset at having their toast cut into squares and not triangles – and due to a lack of language skills, they can find it difficult to express themselves in an articulate manner. Older children with a language delay may bite also, as they are unable to talk about their feelings.
As odd as it sounds, some toddlers like to bite as a sign of affection and you may find if it is you, the parent, or another favourite person that they are biting, this is the reason why. Not an ideal way to show their love, I know!
If a child feels anxious or threatened they may also respond by biting. This often happens if there are changes within the home or they feel anxious about starting at nursery.
Frustration can be another reason for your little one to bite. They may not understand taking turns or having to wait for something, or they may be cross at not getting what they want.
Biting is also a good way to get attention, even if it is of a negative variety.
Toddlers are learning about cause and effect and sometimes they bite as a way of experimenting. Usually this only happens once though, when they find that it has a negative response!
How to manage biting in toddlers
Firstly, never bite back, or get the victim to – two wrongs do not make a right. Instead, intervening before your child bites is very useful.
This means looking at why your child might be biting – The three W’s – think WHO they are biting, WHEN they are biting and in WHAT situation. Once you have an idea as to why, you will then be able to anticipate when they might bite and remove or distract them, as you would when managing a tantrum.
When they have bitten stay calm and remove the child from the situation. Firmly (not shouting) tell them that biting is wrong. Show them that they have upset the other child/grown up, but avoid lengthy explanations until your little one is old enough to understand.
Ensure the victim is ok and give lots of cuddles and reassurance or, if they are not in your care, make sure that they are being looked after.
Focusing your attention on the child who has been bitten will also reinforce the message that biting is not the way to get attention.
Once the biter has calmed down, talk about what has happened and suggest better ways to deal with their feelings.
If you feel their biting is a sign of affection, you can show them that a hug is a much kinder
way to show this. A firm ‘no’ and a reminder to hug instead.
If they have bitten because they are struggling to share toys, show them how to take turns and share and to seek help from you or another grown up if they are finding things a bit tricky.
Spending time talking about emotions and reading stories that include people showing different emotions will also really help along with giving lots of praise when they do something good.
Also, it is important to think about how you react to stressful/frustrating situations. Parents are a child’s first role model, so try to model non-aggressive behaviour.
When do toddlers stop biting?
Biting should stop between age 3 and 4. If it goes on beyond this age or seems to be worsening, despite trying out the above or it is happening along with other negative behaviours that are not improving, then you should seek advice from your Health Visitor or GP.
About the expert
About Auntie K
Kirsty is a parenting expert and consultant. She is a qualified Early Years Practitioner with a wealth of knowledge and experience from over 20 years working with children from birth to the teenage years. Visit https://www.auntiekschildcare.co.uk/ to learn more about her.