I’m a single mum+ was diagnosed with ADHD during lockdown aged 48

Words: Melaine Sims

I am 48, live in Essex and I’m the founder of a 12% Low Alcohol Spirit called Mooze, which I created as my relationship with DRINKING over Lockdown was bad. The weekly recommended units are 14, and I got up to 40/50 a week, functioning as normal I thought. But, in June 20, I decided it was enough drinking so much: I was getting fatter and I needed to understand my feelings that I had been masking for years and had caught up with me.

This is my story…

I lost my successful, wonderful Under 5’s Hospitality Business in Lockdown with 8 staff during lockdown. Looking back, I have burnt out 4 times in my life, always when something was out of balance emotionally. I started Peri-Menopause at 45, meaning my Oestrogen started dropping relatively early.

Oestrogen stimulates Dopamine production, Dopamine is what we already lack in ADHD ‘the Happy Emotion’, so we seek it in Alcohol, Cigarettes, Drugs, Shopping, Eating, Thrills. The Menopause depletes your Oestrogen. So this summer was brutal to me, taking away the small level of Dopamine I was used to with ADHD. I really thought I had the early onset of Dementia or Alzheimer’s – my memory was terrible and I couldn’t settle mentally!

Realising I had ADHD

I didn’t realise I had ADHD until Lockdown. Homeschooling along with lots of other changes and stresses was a lot for me and I am sure many other undiagnosed ADHD women. I started feeling like I couldn’t switch off and realised I was a bit anxious and had horrific brain fog, my executive functioning was worsening, I was exhausted but sleeping badly and so I Googled ADHD in women and did a test online which proved it to me. This article was just me.

I have little concept of time. I want to do something but sometimes I cannot get started. Then at other times, I start to paint an entire room in 50 mins before my friend arrives.

ADHD comes in three presentations: inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, and a combination of the two. Males tend to have the hyperactive/impulsive kind, which may cause them to be fidgety, always on the go, interrupt others, feel restless, talk a lot, make snap decisions, have mood swings, and be impatient. Females have a tendency to exhibit the inattentive type, which makes it hard to focus, pay attention to details, stay organized, listen, and remember things.

ADHD in women is still hugely under-researched – females weren’t even adequately included in findings until the late 90s. But ADHD is not just for those perceived as ‘naughty’ boys, you cannot get it later in life, so it has sat there, festering, busy, like a volcano, a hidden internal restlessness ready to take you to burnout. Noone realized this when I was younger and I didn’t. I was smart, a typical female ADHD perfectionist and slipped through the cracks.

I think the term ADD is wrong and it should be Attention Regulation Deficit. As I can concentrate for hours on something I love and lose half a day, unaware of the minutes passing -yet be unable to follow a chat if there are distractions. EG. I have loved writing this and forgotten to make dinner.

Treating and diagnosing my ADHD during lockdown

Now I had to decide what to do about it. Would medicine change me if I was offered it, would it make me a different, less spontaneous Mum or less successful and creative at business? Would my magical multitasking be dumbed down? I listened to podcasts with Adrian Childs about undiagnosed ADHD and wanting to reduce his drinking but not quit.

I spoke to my Doctor in January, having read up about ADHD coming out with Menopause. I explained I was no longer self medicating to find HIGHS through so much Booze and down to 14 units a week drinking Mooze Booze, a lower alcohol drink I had created. She laughed and said only I would decide to make a business out of it – could I not have taken a break?

She was so supportive, suggested Sertroline in the interim for the anxiety and said unfortunately I would have to organise me own paid diagnosis @ £600 ish with a Psychiatrist, as I had functioned so well to get to this age. But frighteningly, I knew it could take years to come through. The GP needs the diagnosis to be able to prescribe you medicine, so you have to do it to move forwards.

I found a lady called Louise who has a great Insta page ‘ @Pinkpearbear’ who had ADHD and written about getting a free diagnosis with Psychiatry UK via NHS ‘Right to Choose’ if you were over 18, in England. There was a template to send to your Doctor to have them fill in and send to them, which happened immediately. My Doc had no idea about it and even thanked me for introducing her to this route as she said, so many doctors actually don’t know about it. It was that easy. I had a diagnosis 2 weeks later.

Joseph Chanter of Psychiatry UK explains:

“The big selling point is that we have much shorter waiting periods. In some parts of the UK you can wait 6 years just for assessment, with us it’s closer to 2-3 months for assessment, titration and a suitable medication to have been established. There’s also the ability to do it online, the ability to choose your doctor, we have sterling ratings from the CQC and various review sites.”

I had a Zoom chat with a psychiatrist I chose (I said I wanted a female who understood the menopause) and she asked me to talk about my life at school, college, in jobs, at home – after an hour she diagnosed me with Moderate ADD (without the hyperactivity – I like flopping on the sofa watching Netflix like the rest of them).

She explained that it was normal in ADHD (Umbrella term) that you either Burnout or disconnect when too much. Burnout is what happens when the mask slips. Your entire world comes crashing down, and you don’t have the executive function to figure out which way is up. Executive function is a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control.

She asked me if I wanted my ‘pot of money’ to be spent on Behavioural Therapy or Medicine. I said Medicine, I think I wanted to try it. I needed an ECG, which was done by my doctors 2 days later and will be sent there, a blood pressure machine for 5 day checks, is on its way and my psychiatrist will prescribe me medicine and tweak it according to my updates online.

Starting ADHD medication

The medicine will start with me taking a daily amphetamine, Xaggitin every morning. Why, I hear you say, would you need more energy, surely you want to be calmer. Well, in ADHD, the pills will get me up to the same operating level as everyone else and let me FOCUS and not let me be distracted. An example of my talent which is very tiring is: I can multitask so much, provided I write it down. I can hear and follow 3 conversations in a Bar. I will set off to do something and do 10 other things too. I read somewhere that people with ADHD would have been the top hunters in Pre-Historic times as we would have heard a branch snap or animal move!

Being a mum with ADHD

In turn, ADHD has had no impact on me being a Mum, other than I am useless at dates and lose the birthday cards and Presents I have bought in advance. My daughter knows to stop me, if I give her lots of different things to do at the same time, spouting off requests and asking me which to do first. In the meantime, I’ve found support on social media and I have also set up some Social groups called @mymidlifeADD.

About MOOZE

Mooze 12% was the fusion of Moderation + Booze. It’s a lower alcohol and lower calorie alternative to many spirits on the market. Visit http://www.moozebooze.com/ for more information.