We chat to trauma expert Shelley Bradley-Scholey about how she juggles business with parenting her 8 year old who has ADHD and is autistic.
Hi Shelley, can you tell us about who you are and what your business is? Tell us about your business achievements too!
My business is a trauma therapy, supervision and teaching provider. I am a military veteran and ex NHS worker now running my business full time. I have scaled to a group practice delivering 1:1 therapy, a group practice supervising therapists, and now regularly doing training events and public speaking. I’ve published in academic textbooks, worked with the media, and guest lecture at Oxford university.
Can you share your connection to the SEND world?
My 8 year old son is diagnosed ADHD and autistic.
How do you find juggling parenting a child with additional needs and a business, how have you made it work for your family?
I mean it’s pretty savage at times to be honest, I’ve found I cannot work in an employed role and be the parent I want to be. I’ve had to find flexibility and be able to respond to the unexpected situations which has increased significantly since the pressure of him attending school began.
I schedule late starts, I’ve been brutally honest with my supervisees about needing to prioritise my son at short notice, I take lots of time off in school hols as he can’t go to clubs, I’ve basically created a life first approach to my business so I can put him and my other child first.
I’ve had to majorly change my mindset, I’m not ashamed to admit my military career meant I found it hard to ask for what I needed to support my child but now I’m self employed I can just make the decisions myself and not have to ask permission. I don’t feel guilty anymore – he needs me more than anyone else does and that has had to become my priority. I’ve let myself of the hook and found compassion for the parent I have had to become in order to fight for him and give him what he needs.
One of the biggest barriers for many mums in business is childcare and that’s even harder if you have a child with additional needs, how do you make this work for your family? What’s your childcare structure? How do you find school holidays where things like school clubs and camps aren’t always accessible to SEN Children?
We use a childminder for after school for 1 hour and then some parts of school hols the rest of the time it’s me doing the childcare. Camps aren’t accessible, we tried it but he couldn’t tolerate it so now we just stick to what works which is me and the childminder.
What advice would you give to a fellow SEND parent running their own business.
Give yourself permission to put your life first and business second, hustle culture isn’t workable when your parenting children with additional needs.
Have you had to turn down things or work limited hours at times because of your SEND child.? What advice would you give to a parent frustrated because of having to say no to opportunities due to lack of childcare or their child struggling with transitions etc.
Yes – often! My advice would be to remember that you are doing the best you can, you cannot be everything to everyone and that’s ok. Your child needs you and you won’t look back and regret putting them first. If the opportunity is right then I trust that I will find a way to do it, if it isn’t then I have had to learn to be ok with that. My business is very important to me, my work is a huge part of my identity and self worth but if I can make it work around my child then that is me being the best version of myself and that gives me peace in my heart.
About Shelley
Shelley Bradley-Scholey is a Trauma expert and founder of Fortitude Psychological Therapy, an independent therapy practice which offers therapy, supervision and teaching, for people who want to learn how to navigate trauma. For more information visit: www.fortitudepsychologicaltherapy.co.uk