If you’ve clicked on this article, we’d hazard a guess you’re here for three reasons: you’ve had a baby and want to know if you’ll ever feel like having sex again; you want to reassure yourself that what you’re going through is normal (whatever it is, let us tell you it is!) or you’re just really nosy about what people get up to in the bedroom.
If it’s the later, you might have found that having a baby hasn’t impacted your sex life at all. But for lots of women, this isn’t the case.
Not only can the physical and emotional toll of giving birth and pregnancy can be long-lasting and even traumatic but you’re also contending with a human who wants your attention 24/7, body image changes and strain on your relationships. It’s no wonder therefore that you might take some women longer than others to start having sex after a baby or why you might notice your sex life and relationship has changed.
We asked twenty women to anonymously share honestly their experiences and have listed them below. You’ll see there’s no average or normal: every woman has very different experiences. Yet lots of women, when sharing their replies, added that they felt it was wrong, abnormal or even apologised; showing that seems to be another way that we seem to beat ourselves up!
Here’s what they all said…
1.”I waited around 4 months but even after I really struggled for a while as I had an episiotomy and it was really painful for a while.”
2.”I waited 3 weeks both times. My sex life hasn’t really changed that much I’d say? Although I had no tears with both kids just minor grazes and no stitches needed.
3″I waited 6 months before having sex. Since having my baby, I have more of a sex drive than I ever have had to the point my partner can’t keep up with me. Sometimes I still struggle with sex because my scar hurts at times I had a 3rd degree tear.”
4. “We waited 5 weeks-ish. I had a section so it was more of waiting till the pain was under control as suffered for quite a while, simply due to how I heal and also an infection.”
5. “After I had twins it was almost a year, but this was down to time and lack of sleep, with one of us constantly having a baby in our arms it was impossible. After my singleton it was about 7 months, I had 22 stitches after having him so it took a while to heal and I found the idea of having sex very scary, the first time was very uncomfortable.:
6. “We Waited 6 months and hardly have it now.”
7. “I had difficulties in previous pregnancies so didn’t have it once whilst pregnant as one or both of us were too scared. Then waited 3 months, by which point it had been almost a year for us. I find I don’t really have a sex drive these days but always enjoy it once we’re in the moment.”
8. “We waited 4 months as with baby in NICU we were permanently exhausted and worried of course.”
9. “I can’t even remember how long we waited but it was a while. She was 6 months likely older. I was scared it would hurt my section scar or be uncomfortable.”
10. “My child is one and I still haven’t. I feel sorry for my husband but luckily he is understanding. I know it can’t go on like this forever.”
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11. “I only waited three weeks!”
12. “I waited eight weeks but we had a lot of pain up until eight months or so.“
13. “My first baby was 2 weeks and my second was 5 months!’
14. “I honestly can’t remember but I think it was around 6 months post-delivery.”
15. “Around six weeks with my first and two months with my second.”
16. “We waited a year. I had a third-degree tear that required a second operation and I was scared.”
17. “It was ages for me because I had sepsis! I was in the hospital for five weeks and then couldn’t walk properly for a few months. So it was probably around 4-5 months.”
18. “Six weeks and the main feeling was relief that it was out the way and not too horrendous.”
19. “We waited around three months but it remained infrequent for many more months after that.”
20. “We waited seven months-we just had no time.”
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