SEND parents become experts at supporting everyone else.
You research, attend appointments and manage behaviours. You navigate systems that often feel confusing and exhausting, yet somewhere amidst the caring, coordinating, you start to lose connection with yourselves.
Over the years, through my work helping people navigate life’s transitions, I’ve noticed something profound:
The greatest challenge is rarely the situation itself. It is the state we are in while facing it.
When we are overwhelmed, fearful or exhausted, we react from survival mode. Whereas, when we are regulated, grounded and connected, we respond from wisdom.
In ancient Indian philosophy, we might describe this as the difference between reacting from karma and responding from dharma.
Karma is the unconscious pattern. Dharma is the conscious choice.
Every meltdown, every difficult conversation, every moment of uncertainty presents us with an opportunity to move from one state to the other.
Why SEND parenting feels so exhausting
Many SEND parents live in a state of constant alertness – anticipating the next phone call, preparing for the next emotional outburst and worrying about the next transition. You are constantly wondering if you’ve done enough and this ongoing vigilance can leave your nervous system feeling as though there is always danger, even during moments of safety.
The challenge is that children naturally co-regulate through the adults around them, as when your child’s emotional intensity rises, your own nervous system is often pulled into the experience.
This is not a personal failing – it is biology, but it is also an invitation. Because when you learn to regulate yourself, you create the conditions for your child to feel safer too.
The Dharma Reset: A 5-Minute Practice
Whenever you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, try this simple practice.
Step 1: Pause (30 seconds)
Before fixing, explaining or solving anything, stop.
Place both feet on the floor (ideally barefoot).
Notice your breath.
Remind yourself: “This is a moment. It is not forever.”
Step 2: Ground (1 minute)
Press your feet firmly into the earth.
Feel the support beneath you.
Notice five things you can see.
Four things you can touch.
Three things you can hear.
This brings your awareness back into the present moment rather than the future you’re imagining.
Step 3: Hand on Heart (1 minute)
Place your hand over your heart.
Slow your exhale.
Inhale for four.
Exhale for six.
Ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”
Not what your child needs.
Not what the school needs.
Not what everyone else needs.
What do you need?
Often the answer is surprisingly simple, i.e. deep breathing, a glass of water or just a moment of compassion.
Step 4: Shift from Fear to Compassion (1 minute)
When emotions are high, we often ask: “Why is this happening?”
Instead ask: “What might this behaviour be communicating?”
Whether it’s your child or yourself, behaviour is often a messenger.
Behind anger is usually fear, behind resistance is often overwhelm and behind control is often anxiety.
Compassion creates space where judgement cannot.
Step 5: Return to Your Dharma (90 seconds)
Close your eyes if comfortable.
Ask yourself: “Who do I want to be in this moment?”
Not what do I need to do. Who do I want to be? This is an important distinction.
You may say something like “I am calm, patient, strong, trusting, loving”…
This simple question reconnects you to your values rather than your reactions.
The Lesson Beneath the Challenge
One of the greatest gifts my own journey has taught me is that children often become the greatest teachers. They show us where we are holding fear – where we need to let go of control and where we need more compassion.
This doesn’t make the challenges easier, but it does make them meaningful. The journey from karma to dharma isn’t about becoming the perfect parent – it’s about becoming a more conscious one.
A Final Thought
When your child is having a meltdown, it’s natural to focus entirely on calming them but remember; a regulated parent is one of the most powerful resources a child can have.
Your wellbeing matters, your nervous system matters and your healing matters. Because every time you choose presence over panic, awareness over reaction, and compassion over control, you’re not only supporting your child.
You’re teaching them what it looks like to meet life’s challenges with courage, wisdom and love. And that may be one of the most important lessons of all.
About the Author
Nikita Thakrar is the founder of Journey from Karma to Dharma™, an award-winning mentor, mindfulness teacher, Reiki practitioner and author. Through her signature Dharma Diploma programme, she helps people navigate life’s transitions by transforming unconscious patterns into purposeful living. Learn more at journeywithnikita.com