Thanks both so much for chatting with us. Like many of our readers, Rosie is happily pregnant during the pandemic: how have you found it?
Rose and I were so grateful to have gotten pregnant that we were determined not to let the pandemic and lockdowns phase us! We had other friends trying to get pregnant around the same time and, unfortunately, lots of fertility clinics had to temporarily shut down during the lockdowns. It’s already such an emotional rollercoaster, tracking fertile windows and having to drop everything and drive to the clinic, and then the dreaded two week wait… we just felt so unbelievably lucky to finally be pregnant!
In some ways, the lockdown was a blessing, especially during the first 12 weeks where we wanted to keep the pregnancy quiet. I had very intense ‘morning’ sickness, that pretty much lingered around 24/7! I was so happy not to have to get on a train to London and attend any meetings in person!
We just relied heavily on the internet, doing all of our baby shopping online and keeping in touch with friends and family on zoom. We tried to stay home to stay safe, so one of the most annoying things was not being able to hop in a car and go on adventures to get all of my food cravings satisfied!
We were obviously really sad that we couldn’t be with friends and family in person, but overall we just tried to take the good over the bad. We are very lucky though, because our baby is due June 25th – just a few days after life is supposed to return to ‘normal’!
2. Your channel is known for providing a space for honest conversations about LGBTQ+. Have you found information readily available on conceiving as a same-sex couple?
Not at all! We found it really difficult to find any information for same-sex couples trying to concieve. And when it comes to opportunities with the NHS, this varies from postcode to postcode, so you can’t take other people’s word for it.
As we got further into our journey we realised there were so many small details that all have to be considered. For example, we finally picked our sperm donor, and then the clinic we were originally using to get pregnant didn’t accept sperm donations from our sperm bank. So we had the option to change to a donor from another bank, or move clinics. Also different clinics have different prices, and different tests that they consider mandatory before you can move forward with insemination. For example, some clinics will want you to have a HyCoSy (a test where dye is put into you to check that your tubes are free from blockages) and other clinics suggest putting that off. We had to learn by trial and error, and that’s one of the reasons we decided to launch our podcast: Rose and Rosie Parental Guidance, so other people could learn from our mistakes!
3. What advice or resources would you suggest for those in a similar position?
My recommendations for same-sex couples about to embark on the baby journey would be to research local clinics, and call up and find out how LGBTQ+ friendly they are. The first clinic we got all our information from had an extremely LGBTQ+ friendly website, and they had an open day specifically for same-sex couples. This is where we got all our initial information from, and they did a presentation explaining the different methods of conception and gave us a pack to take home that broke down all the costs and gave a list of their recommended and trusted sperm banks. That one opening day left us feeling so positive and gave us so much knowledge! I would also say that it’s worth travelling to find the right clinic. Our local clinic wasn’t queer friendly at all, so we didn’t use them. Trying to conceive is an already emotional journey so you want to feel supported!
I would also recommend joining internet forums and Facebook groups for same-sex couples trying for a baby, as you can pick up lots of tips and tricks and make new friends!
4. You have been open about going through a miscarriage during the first lockdown. We recently covered why the UK needs to offer miscarriage leave. If you feel comfortable, could you share your story and if you feel we need to do more to support those in this situation?
I think the biggest thing we need to do is talk more openly about miscarriage, especially considering how common it is. At the beginning of our pregnancy journey, neither of us had any idea the odds of having a miscarriage are 1 in every 3 pregnancies. As someone who has now experienced what it means to miscarry, I know I would have been in a far better position if I’d have been better prepared. I knew my baby had died at 6 weeks, but I didn’t physically miscarry until I was at the 12-week stage. I realise that the experiences of miscarrying differ greatly at different stages, but I was so ill-informed about what I was about to experience that it made me even more passionate to raise awareness in hopes that more accurate information would be provided to those unfortunate enough to go through the process. Knowledge is power, and my experience was nothing like the ‘heavy period’ I was told to expect.
There’s so much shame around miscarriage, which is something I’ll never understand! It took such a physical and emotional toll on the both of us, and I think a lot of people are in desperate need for additional support and accurate information, but we’re only going to get there by talking about it and shedding the shameful stigma that’s bizarrely associated with it.
5. Given you have a very popular youtube channel, how have you decided what to share/what not to share with your audience? Have you had that conversation about your future child?
We’re talking about this more and more as the days go on! I think it’s really difficult to say. On the one hand we’re really keen to carry on being a visible same sex couple in hopes that we positively represent and inspire the LGBTQ+ community, as well as offering lots of information about how to start a family. I think there’s such value in seeing same sex couples raising children and it hasn’t been easy knowing where to start as a gay couple!
But on the other hand, we realise we might be really protective of our little one and sometimes the internet can be a cruel place! I think we’re just going to have to play that one by ear and see what feels right. We also have to think about what’s fair for the child, their happiness and of course, their safety. That’s always going to be our top priority.
Follow Rose & Rosie’s parenting journey on their podcast Parental Guidance on Spotify now.
As a subscriber of RnR I’ve learned so much over the last 12 months from the journey they have been on. I would definitely recommend Rose and Rosie Parental Guidance podcast. They are simply PHENOMENAL.