A cancer diagnosis impacts everyone in the family and can put a lot of strain on relationships and dynamics no matter how strong the bonds in a family are. It can be incredibly challenging to share the realities of your diagnosis and what will happen next. Because of this, many parents feel like the best way to protect their children is to not tell them about the diagnosis. The thing is, you cannot hide cancer once you start treatment as there will be visible changes. So, how can you help your kids understand your diagnosis while keeping things honest and open?
Think About What You Will Say and How You Will Say It
How you break this news will depend on your children’s ages. Small children will not understand what the diagnosis means, and they will tend to focus on the physical signs once they appear. At this stage, it is important to help them understand that what’s happening is not their fault because kids tend to blame themselves when things go wrong. They will also fear separation and being left behind so this is something you will have to talk to them about.
School-aged kids will have a slightly better understanding because they understand the basics of illness and the human body. You will need to be direct, clear, and simple because they might not be able to process a lot of information at once. There may also be a delayed reaction because kids of this age do not like discussing their emotions. Give them some space and then broach the subject again later.
Teenagers will have a better understanding of cancer and what your diagnosis means. They will also want detailed information so they can build a fuller picture of what to expect. They may also be less likely to ask questions to not upset you. Let them know that it is okay to be curious about the diagnosis and to ask as many questions as they would like to.
Explain the Treatment Plan and What to Expect
It is important that your kids understand your treatment plan and what they should expect while you undergo treatment. Before you can do that, though, you need to understand the plan yourself. Since you already have your diagnosis, you can reach out to oncologists and consultant surgeons who have experience with cancer. Circle Health Group can help you find the right oncologist or cancer specialist to discuss your cancer treatment with. They will also discuss tailoring individualised cancer treatment options for you so you get the best care possible. You can also use Circle Health group to find private cancer centres that offer world-class treatments and support services during and after treatment.
Once you understand all this, you can pass it on to your kids in a way they will understand according to their age. You can also prepare a treatment calendar so the kids know which days you will not be available. Lastly, ensure you discuss the physical changes you will undergo during the treatment. Let them also understand that even though you will be under medication, you will still love them, and
their needs will be met. Reassuring them at this stage will help them cope much better if things do not go too well.
Set the Tone
Now that you know what to say, how to say it and have all the information you need about the treatment, it is time to actually talk to your kids. It is important to use a calm, reassuring tone to not alarm them. Your tone will also show them that you are doing everything you can to hold things together and this will make them feel like they have to do the same too.
It is important to remind them that it is okay to cry. Bottling up emotions can lead to other issues such as the kids overthinking, which would lead to negative conclusions such as they are to blame for the diagnosis.
Pick the Best Time
It is important to not wait too long after your diagnosis to talk to your kids. Waiting too long might make them think you were hiding something, and you do not want them wondering why and ending up with the wrong conclusions.
Second, pick a time when everyone is available and there is enough time to discuss everything. Take into account that your kids might have questions depending on their ages. Lastly, ensure you are relaxed, and your kids are not tired. If you are relaxed and rested, they will pick up on the positive energy. If they are not tired, they are likely to absorb the information much better.
Talking to your kids about your cancer diagnosis can seem impossible. However, it is possible to have a great discussion with a bit of preparation and time. Just remember to be as open and reassuring as possible, give them accurate information, and answer all their questions accurately.