This week we chat to podcaster Helen Calvert about juggling two neurodivergent children with a successful business, podcast and events.
Can you tell us about who you are and what your business is? Tell us about your business achievements too!
Hi, I’m Helen Calvert, The No Bullsh*t Coach! Passionate about helping midlife neurodivergent people to banish the BS and live their happiest lives. I started my podcast, The No Bullsh*t Guide To A Happier Life, in 2021, and published my book of the same name in 2022. The podcast has had 223,000 downloads to date. I have also hosted two Happier Life Live events in Greater Manchester, with 80-90 attendees each time. Most importantly though I have coached many clients to finding more freedom, passion, joy and adventure in their lives, through owning their own story and improving their relationship with themselves.
Can you share your connection to the SEND world?
I am self-diagnosed autistic. My eldest son has an autism diagnoses, and my youngest is on the pathway to diagnosis. I also work with many neurodivergent clients, mainly those with ADHD but also those with autism or AuDHD.
How do you find juggling parenting a child with additional needs and a business, how have you made it work for your family? E.g. daily routines, your business structure, how you work with people, your work day…
When I first looked at this opportunity to write for you, I thought that I didn’t have much to say as the juggle isn’t too stressful. Then I realised the reason for that: since my divorce in 2018 I have created a life that works for me as well as it possibly can. So small adjustments aren’t required, as our whole set up makes the juggle possible. Sharing custody 50:50 means that I have essential time to myself to regulate and recover, as well as time to work. When the kids are with me, we follow our own rules and ignore society’s expectations. We do not eat round the table. We spend a lot of time together but on our own devices. We make allowances for each other – I know that my youngest needs plenty of notice if we need to leave the house, and he knows that I find it hard to change plans last minute. We keep social expectations to a minimum and only have people over to the house who fit in smoothly. We also have a dog, and whilst the puppy weeks were hard work she has been the best decision I ever made. So regulating for all of us. Being self-employed means that I can arrange my days around my energy levels and the needs of the family. That is the second best decision I have ever made!
One of the biggest barriers for many mums in business is childcare and that’s even harder if you have a child with additional needs, how do you make this work for your family? What’s your childcare structure? How do you find school holidays where things like school clubs and camps aren’t always accessible to SEN Children?
The boys are now old enough to be left by themselves if needs be, but are also perfectly capable of entertaining themselves while I work. In the past we did use a few holiday clubs, but they mostly hated them. So it was a juggle of grandparents, shared custody and activities where I could work. I’m very good at getting things done in the cafe at Total Ninja! These days we have a lot of screen time. I do not worry in the slightest about that. They both sleep, they are both regulated, we get fresh air with the dog. I need screens to regulate and so do they. Plus, the education they get from YouTube is often more exciting to them than what they learn in school!
What advice would you give to a fellow SEND parent running their own business.
Do what works for your family. End of. Other people are full of advice or opinions, but most of it is BS for neurotypical families, let alone those of us who are ND. And remember that time to yourself and self-care is the professional choice for your business, as well as the loving choice for you. None us can keep running a business and looking after a family if we are burnt out.
Have you had to turn down things or work limited hours at times because of your SEND child.? What advice would you give to a parent frustrated because of having to say no to opportunities due to lack of childcare or their child struggling with transitions etc.
Yes absolutely. I cannot attend events on the evenings when they are with me, as my children are not the type of kids who can have a babysitter. So I do miss out on a lot of networking and promotional opportunities. But none us can do everything anyway, and the FOMO is often a fantasy. Concentrate on doing what you can do well, network online as much as you can, learn how to make the most of the things that you are able to attend, and remember that everyone has restrictions, even the people who seem to have it all working smoothly. Most importantly, remember that this too shall pass. The children will get older. Things will get easier. That period of age 7 to 10 when ND kids are unbelievably hard work… it does end. And as they get older you might even find your kids can help you in your business – if they are like mine, social things are challenging but business tech is easy! Hang in there and keep the faith. You’ve got this.